I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
