Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
