so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
