the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
