I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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