Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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