I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
