my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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