Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
