i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
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