babies were throwing up all over the place
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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