the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
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