i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
