So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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