dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
