No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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