The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i out mim tonsoeep
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