I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
