My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
