Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
