I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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