My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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