Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
