Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
