Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
