i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
