Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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