he thought i was a dude.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
