Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
