this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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