Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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