I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
