Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
