just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
