I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
