i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
