I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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