I puked a lego.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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