I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Randomize
