we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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