...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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