All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You've changed since you got that strap on
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
