Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
