This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
did i just pee glitter
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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