So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
