yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
