Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
