What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
