I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
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He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
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He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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