I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
