Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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