i would punch a child for taco bell
I don't think brook has ever known best
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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