Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
