the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
