yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
