thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
