your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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