Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
