Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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