I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
