I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
