Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
