She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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