The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
