I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
