Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
