What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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