The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
