I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
