TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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