I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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