U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
