no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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