I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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