at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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