Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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