Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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